Since childhood, I kept hearing one thing again and again:
“You’re a girl… you should know all this.”
Cooking, household work, taking care of the home —
as if these things were the only definition of femininity.
But I never had interest in them.
And every time someone told me
“girls should know this,”
a small voice inside me whispered:
“I don’t know any of this…
so am I even feminine?”
Slowly, shame began to grow inside me.
Guilt began to grow.
And a deep wound formed inside my heart:
“I am not enough as a woman.”
I internalized society’s definition of femininity.
I started believing that to be feminine I must:
- do makeup,
- do household tasks,
- always look soft,
- always behave perfectly.
I tried so hard to become that version.
But every time, it drained me.
It wasn’t my energy.
It wasn’t my truth.
Whenever I simply lived as myself,
I felt guilty —
as if I was the “wrong kind of girl.”
So I asked myself:
“If I’m not this feminine girl…
then where will my worth come from?”
And from there, I started earning my worth:
- through good marks,
- through achievements,
- through a stable job,
- through a logical, goal-oriented, masculine way of living.
This masculine mode gave me temporary safety…
but it abandoned my inner feminine completely.
A part of me kept crying inside:
“Why has no one accepted me the way I am?”
I started feeling unworthy of the love I desired —
because I wasn’t the “traditional feminine girl” society talks about.
But healing changed everything.
When I began looking at my wounds,
I realized the truth:
Femininity is not a skill.
Femininity is not a performance.
Femininity is not a checklist.
Femininity is an energy —
and that energy was always within me.
Shame, guilt, and fear were the layers hiding it.
Even today, I’m healing.
And every day, I choose to:
Relax.
Feel.
Receive.
Just be.
But relaxing felt scary for me at first,
because my mind always said:
“If you relax…
your worth will disappear.”
But the sacred truth is:
Your worth can never disappear
because your worth is not earned.
Your worth is you.
And when the feminine relaxes,
she attracts.
She flows.
She doesn’t struggle.
My biggest shift was this:
“I don’t have to become feminine.
I already am.
And I am enough.”
Today, I am embracing my femininity —
in my own way,
in my own truth.
And this journey…
is deeply healing,
deeply sacred,
and deeply beautiful.